Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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