It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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