Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
