You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
