I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Help. Why am I so naked?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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