I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
