Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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