talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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