I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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