She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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