remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
