i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
