It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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