we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
