I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize