I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
