I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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