how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
