So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
