someone threw a dead crab at me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
