Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
