I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
