he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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