Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
