Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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