I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
