i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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