RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
