Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
