Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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