I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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