can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
