I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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