he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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