I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
