I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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