yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
