I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
