You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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