i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize