Jerry, you need to find god
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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