He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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