When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
