Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
