I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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