May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
