are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
