she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
