It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
