I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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