she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
