We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
