somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
