She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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