Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
