she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
