My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
