her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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