I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
