I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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