I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
