What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
