come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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