watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
