I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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