I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize