Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize